Screws Loose.

This may (or should) come as a big surprise to you, but when I am not telling jokes, I am watching youngsters. I was at speech therapy this week with a special young man in my life (the only... never mind- I will eat a cake if I type more on that). I left to use the restroom and over-heard a woman discuss an accounting issue by stating the following: "Pardon my French, but they keep screwing that up!"

"Pardon my French, but I don't know French."

Is "screwing" a pardon-worthy expression these days? Did she mean it in the context of "Pardon my French, but they keep making romance with their genitalia up there." and that's why she felt it was lewd? How is using the term "screw" something you apologize for when you're talking to another adult... I mean, these women probably watch Sex and the City (instead of their marriages)- I'm sure there is no need to pardon anything so trivial in the 21st century.

I have been in job interviews where the prospective employer asked me what I felt I screwed up most in my last 37 jobs. Mind you, I wasn't applying for residency at John's Hopkins and strip clubs are a bit more lenient with thier vocabulary, but still... screwing is a polite alternative.

EXAMPLES

"They keep fucking off up there."

"It's important to me, I don't want to fag it up."

"There is a cunt loose in that bench."

The expression "screw" is the vernacular equivalant to bio-diesel. On a road littered with old Fords and Chevy's, it's nice to not have to feel bad about being in a hybrid... "I'm sorry, but I get great mileage and produce less emissions than the "F" word." Fuck that, am I right? (Always)

I was clearly upset... almost as upset as when I see mascara ads displaying false eye lashes in leu of actual product results (go screw yourself Lancome- I'm not falling for it!) So I sauntered over to Frühe Congeniality and tore into her... clothes- I ripped them off! Before anyone could stop me, I was pooping all over myself, creating a safe barrier from all my would be oppressors- no one wanted to stop me! I whispered all around her face "I screwed up, I screwed up, I screwed up and there's no excuse."
When taking a stab at social commentary, I like to use a good turd story.

Thank You.