Oh Today

Oh today.

Today is a Thursday... Or am I not supposed to say that? I don't have a computer yet, but I do have, in my possession, an iPod touch. It isn't mine, but I'm getting my own Saturday. I won't bore you with the details- you came to be inspired or laugh, maybe you just came to judge me... Which on the iPod touch, when typing "me" it got real close to being entered as "ms" (my NY resolution is to lose weight in my fingers), "judging MS" would have made you an even bigger asshole than you were when you were just judging me... I mean, to other people. Not to me, in my book, me-judging is almost the most offensive thing in the world, next to old people kissing- EEW!

When I turn old (40), I won't kiss my husband... Maybe not even my kids because of how hideous I stand to look doing it. Heck, the sight could just about give you MS! What's MS?

No time now- I have to talk about humanitarianism.

No kissing and no pictures as soon as I turn 40. That's going to be a hard sell to the paparazzi, who will no doubt be hounding me by then (just look at this talent), but I'm sure the world is only getting more civilized, so probably won't have to worry about that or even try to live by example- this stuff just happens... Usually after a good rain shower. I was going to edit this last sentence to be less rambly, but fuck it! I'm blogging on an iPod touch. 

Right now this is just a "note", but soon it will be an anecdote to the absurdity of your life. Is that hard to read, maybe it doesn't go down well. The truth never does. Hey, I'm just going to undermine the lives of people who read this far into one of my "stories". This seems like a good way to get ahead... Or "some head" if I were a man (I'm so close), but seeing as my balls haven't housed themselves on the outside of me in a leathery satchel called a "scrotum", I can only be considered a woman with too much confidence. This is why I'm single, in case you were wondering (everyone does). Back to scrotums; it's my belief that if linguists were coming up for the name today, they would have called the skin around the reproductive nest egg on the male anatomy "Angelina Jolie's Lips". That's my snarky celebrity bit... I don't really feel that way, but I haven't really felt since childhood. I also think that a scrotum looks like an old person's neck... Which is why watching Something's Got To Give (starring Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson- as two old people kissing) is like watching a boxing match between nut sacks.

Have a great Christmas or whatever.