Alright gang! So, people have been asking me (a little bit too many people for the pay I get) how I am able to get in front of hundreds of people and do my comedy jokes without completely turding. Here's the scoop ladies, I vomit after meals. Oh sure, we all do... and why not?! All the fun with no consequences! Well...
Almost no consequences.
Did I ever tell you about the baby I lost to vomiting? I was 2 days ago old and just throwing up a pound (or 7lbs) of food in the toilet at the gas station (where I shower to keep the water bill down). There, on top of my pile of "healthy" (no girl wants to hear she looks "healthy") snacks was the fetus of my unborn child... or a peanut. I was so saddened by this loss! I had no idea I was pregnant and this just came as a huge blow to my future... mainly because I haven't had sex in 6 months, so this was surely the second coming of Christ that I purged from my sleek, emaciated belly. surely.
I believe God chose to surprise me with the next Jesus because I am tidy, hard-working and have curly hair. I hope I get another chance!
No comments:
Post a Comment