If Beef Were Funny, Cows Would Be Sacred.

I live in San Francisco, which makes me a better person than other people. I was born and raised all over Portland, OR and as a native Oregonian, I am making sure to never move back. I think that people who really love Portland hate the sun and black people, because both are myths in that city. Oh sure, it's "cool", with all of the $3 movie theaters that serve beer and popcorn with nutritional yeast, but that's the problem- I guess. Portland residents tend to think they are in the most progressive, inventive and artsy city around. You know what? Public transportation there isn't even as cool as Portland thinks it is and it's pretty easy to feel "progressive" without a ghetto. Seriously, I was never afraid I would get raped in that city- how fucked up is that?! Pabst is somehow the poster beer for Portland (unless it's not anymore). Why does every city pride itself on drinking the most? Why is cheap beer so cool, Portland? It's not- it's cheap beer. Accomplishment is pretty neat though, so enjoy being drunk and downloading ambient pop.

In San Francisco, I sleep on my friend's floor. She wants to move back to Portland. She has a beautiful voice, great hair and a job, so Portland needs her (plus she's white) and I have a hard time relating. Her family is there, but so is mine. Hey, I have a family too... I have like 5 families I don't talk to- thank you very much State of Oregon. Yeah, ward of the court... since I was 10. It's amazing I can write, let alone form sentences.

I think that because I grew up with a _____ childhood, I am more entitled to success. However, just as I lacked parents, I lack motivation. Oh- sure, I had parents- lots of them, but guess who parented who (how does one punctuate that?). Meanwhile there are a million boring people brought up organized and disciplined, geared to shape the ideas of this nation. Then there are a million other people ruining the lives and chances of their children. That means there are two million people (children obviously don't count as people until they can vote). Two million people and over half of them are rich, however the poorer half are fatter... who can explain that? A: not even God, mainly because the question is formed in English and God only speaks Mayan (studied Latin in youth, but totally lost it by now).

It's raining and that makes me a bad person. I really don't know how I am going to make this a funny blog. I don't know what will come of my writing... I generally write in journal format, however, I want to be funny or pretty... the end.