Oh, real nurture guys!

I can't wait to be a Mom. When I'm a Mom, my jokes will be SO much funnier, plus it's super lonely sleeping on my friend's floor. It would be nice to have a little child to keep me warm. Some one has to love me and dogs are too much responsibility (also, not as many clothes). If I were a Mom tomorrow, I probably wouldn't go to this party tonight, unless my baby were going to be sick (but only if I knew for sure) b/c it would probably just sleep all day anyway and then I could just go somewhere exotic (shhh don't tell child services) after sleeping in.

Anyway, I'm nannying right now for twins and they're sleeping. I have a little over an hour until the parents get home and the mom and I don't wear the same size anything so I thought I would just write a little true story about being a mom tomorrow. I will probably have to steal a baby here because that's not a lot of time to get a boyfriend. I guess I have a fella, but he lives in Louisiana and is already married to his work. He is New Orleans' premier graveyard tour guide. I think his success is based on his wardrobe (he loves capes). His personality is sub par and he's only my boyfriend because his penis hangs all the way down to his knees (calm down ladies, he's like 3 feet tall). He sent me pictures of his penis once. We have never seen each other in person. I broke into this call center a few weeks ago and stole a bunch of leads, he was the most responsive when I was calling around for a boyfriend and we've been together for, well several lifetimes I'm sure. I could ask him to mail his sperm tonight (we're really close) so I can have a baby, but the baby would probably be retarded because my boyfriend is also one of my biological fathers. You see, my Mother was a slutty cat and had all sorts of penises in her furry pussy, so I have at least 7 dads (and nine lives). If I had a child, I would probably accidentally bake it too long, so I should just go to this party tonight instead.

I'm glad that I had time to figure this out. No kids for me, especially if they end up all sexy like I was when I was 3. If I wanted some competition I would join a varsity basketball team.