When asked for a statement his shirt cried "some one get me off this thing and onto a 12 year-old, where I belong!" Apparently Lutz's hunky chest was tearing apart the shirts fibers and terrifying all other clothing in a 5 block radius.
"There hasn't been a case of such apparel cruelty since 2009.5 when Pamela Anderson had her 17th breast Augmentation!" reports Corey Haim (or Feldman).
Corey also pointed out that Jesus invented punctuation and sweet potatoes.
Jesus has inspired Corey to keep his charitable focus on the Oklahoma City Bombing, where we lost so many of "God's true children". He hold vigil nightly (Where Are They Now, anyone?) in anticipation of Christ's return. "He will most likely wear a tuxedo when he rises up, like Garth Brooks at an awards show". However, no clothes were made for Corey's cause due to tragedy shirts not really being trendy before 9-11. When I asked Haim (or Feldman)how he feels about this he explains that he "[doesn't] see what's so special about New York." Feldman (or Haim) instead shows his support with a Oklahoma City Goatee.
Turns out "celebrities" can show their support in a variety of ways. Corey has his OCB goatee; Kellan has a Haiti shirt/ Darfur football and Heidi Montag has her Chicken Pox breasts... "Like five kids died in 9 years because of Chicken Pox [spaces off for a moment]... Where's their T-shirt?! I don't know either, but when I find it- I'm going to stretch it out. Buy my album!"
Kellan's cause has got some tongues wagging or, I guess his own (see pics below). When approached for a comment, Lutz replied "a buh buh buh fah buh duh buh buh." His translator explains "he said 'my tongue looks sexiest out on the left side of my teeth. I hired this Mexican to follow me with a spray bottle so my mouth doesn't dry out." The translator added "I'm Norwegian".
We'll maybe Kellan Lutz isn't hungry for Haiti, but I think we can all agree that silky black haired people all look the same.
Abbey
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