Did This Catch Your Ears? Did You Look At It?!

I am unable to do a mic tonight because I am committed to two very medium loads of laundry and a movie about piracy... or there's a warning... I don't know, but I'm already at the edge of my seat! I have a joke that I am so excited to tell I am going to make it into a long story. My joke will come out much differently on stage and will be peppered with adorable facial ticks that I am helpless to express (SOMEBODY LOVE ME!), but I think that it will be satisfactory in blog form.

Sharks be eating people. Did this catch your ears? Did you look at it? However, people go into the ocean dressed as seals. Am I correct in making this observation ladies and gentleman? Whenever I see a group of surfers catching a wave I think "those seals have great balance!" and I'm sure sharks and I think very similarly. I guess sharks and I aren't always on the same wavelink, but that's only because there are no underwater phones or networking systems. I doubt sharks ever ask themselves "did he read that e mail? Is he going to respond?" and they're probably a lot quicker to know there are plenty of fish in the sea. Plus there are plenty of seals! I mean, if you count all these people masquerading as them. In all of our scientific discovery we couldn't invent a neon wet suit? What good are shoe laces and hot pants when people are being eaten?! What shark wants to eat a radioactive mammal? Not a Great White, which are the most racist water predators around and definitely not your run of the mill variety either. I don't go into Over Eaters Anonymous meetings dressed as a pulled pork sandwich. Although I did go wearing a Twizzler skirt once and it's a miracle I can walk! Children are miracles, but not if you're poor, then they're probably more like fliers that get handed to you on the street. Garbage. Good band, no fliers. coincidence?

Time to switch my load, not because I want to, but because I need to put quarters into something and I don't have a car.